Why Participation Prizes are Failing an Entire Generation

I almost didn’t share this piece here. It isn’t what my blog is typically about, and if this isn’t your kind of interest, feel free to come back when I’m sharing something about recipes or cute things my toddler does. With that said, I feel like it’s something important that I need to get out, and it’s too much for me to just share on facebook. It needs to be said. And I’m going to be the one to say it.

I’ve found myself really plagued lately by stories in the news. Obviously, a lot of really awful stuff has been happening lately. Just in the past couple of months, we’ve seen two twelve year old girls stab a friend 19 times to please a fictional character, multiple mass shooting events (including the tragic events in Seattle just yesterday), and even some school stabbings. It’s tragic, it’s hard to wrap our heads around, and it’s just downright sucky; you consider the last few years and how much tragedy we’ve seen, from Sandy Hook to Boston to Aurora and we realize that a lot is going on.

But there are two incidents in particular that have been really standing out to me. First, there’s the incident where a student stabbed a fellow student because she refused to go to prom with him, and there’s a second incident where a person went on a killing spree after releasing a video complaining about how women don’t like him.

Both of these stories share a very common thread. These are two people who simply don’t know how to get rejected. And I feel like there is one very simple reason that we’re seeing more and more issues like this… we’re not teaching kids how to deal with not being accepted, not winning, not feeling like they deserve a high five or applause for every single thing they do. We’re raising a generation who needs a medal every time they play a sport, even if they don’t play it well. We have entire generations of kids who have gone through life being told that it’s okay to not be good enough at something because you’re going to be handed a prize anyway.

We’ve gotten to a point in society where if we disagree with someone, it automatically means we aren’t being open and accepting. Essentially, if I have an opinion that goes against your opinion, I am an arrogant close-minded fool, even if I state my piece amicably and then listen to your point of view. We’ve put so much emphasis on accepting everyone, on awarding everyone, on having that morale boost for everyone that we’re literally teaching our kids that they should get their way, that rejection shouldn’t happen.

I’ve been through the online dating circuit a time or two. It’s no secret. But I have literally had guys get angry with me (not to the point of killing me or anyone else, luckily) because I said “You seem like a nice guy, and I hope you find what you’re looking for, but I just don’t think we’re compatible.” I get it, rejection hurts. I’ve been through it, and it sucks. But seriously? Not learning how to take rejection without lashing out in anger is a really bad thing.

By giving everyone that pat on the back of “You’re a winner!” even when you’re getting 13th place in a tournament with 13 teams, we’re not teaching our kids that losing sucks, it hurts, and you can brush yourself off and vow to try harder the next time.

And when we fail to teach that to our kids when they’re young and it’s about something as insignificant as 4-year-old soccer (which is essentially Chicken Herding 101), then we’re going to have a generation of people who can’t take a rejection. It’s okay to take your losing 4 year old soccer team out for ice cream and say “Hey! You guys had fun out there, right?” But when you’re constantly valuing the “everyone’s a winner” mindset throughout life, you’re making it so when someone gets turned down for anything, it’s a horror story.

An acquaintance of mine shared the other day that he needed to quit his job as a waiter because “I can’t believe they make me constantly stand all day long. I don’t want to work a job where I’m on my feet all day long. They’re mistreating me and I feel like I should sue.” This, of course, came only weeks after he quit his job at a call center for having to sit all day long instead of getting to walk around.

Our sue-happy culture isn’t helping. Because of how we make everyone feel entitled to a prize, a pat on the back, a medal, we lead people to become entitled in all aspects. It’s why when I put a hot coffee between my legs and then that hot coffee spills on me, it’s your fault for not telling me that my hot coffee was hot. It’s why when I’m walking down a beach in a lightning storm and lightning hits me, I can blame an entire state for not telling me not to walk on the beach during a lightning storm. It’s why I feel justified in killing a person because they said no to my prom invitation. Because I have gone my entire life being told that I am a winner, that I deserve a prize, that I can’t learn to lose, to fail, to be told no, because it might damage me.

Instead, what we’ve done is told everyone “yes” so often that we’ve raised kids more damaged than the ones who were told no.

I’m not trying to trivialize what happened in either of those tragic incidents, and I’m not trying to say that tragedies like this didn’t occur before the age of participation prizes.

But I am trying to say that I do think there is a correlation between telling kids yes, yes, yes, all their lives, just to avoid hurting their fragile ego… and winding up with kids who just can’t take it when someone says “No. Thanks, but no.”

It scares me that we aren’t looking at these situations and thinking “Man, we really need to teach our kids how to handle rejection!” Instead, we’re watching these tragedies unfold, and blaming them on a million other things.

I don’t want my son to grow up thinking that he’s always a winner. I know that he is going to be great at a lot of things, but I also know he’s going to be bad at other things. I want to teach him to focus on those things he is good at, work hard to succeed there, and not let the stuff he is bad at get him down. I want him to learn that sometimes we fail, and that it’s okay.

I was a straight A student in school. Then I took Chemistry 2 in high school and almost failed. Had it not been for an amazing teacher who said “I know science isn’t your strong suit, but we’re going to get you through this class so you can focus on the things you ARE good at in college,” I would have failed the course. She didn’t say “Oh, you know what, I’m going to pass you just because I know how hard it is to fail at things and I don’t want you to go through that.” No, she said “Come by my classroom for extra study hours, arrive at school 45 minutes early so we can go over your homework and I can see what you’re getting wrong and help you learn, and do these extra assignments on the really hard equations you’re just not grasping not only so you get them drilled into your head before the test, but because the extra credit will help your grade.” I had to work hard for the B- I pulled in that class in the end. I couldn’t just get mad at my failings and go hurt people. I had to face it head-on and deal with the fact that I wasn’t good at science, that I never would be, but that in failing there, it really helped me narrow down the path I wanted to take in school, and was a good indicator that psychology fields that dealt with hard science weren’t for me. It saved me many hours in the psychology brain lab at my college (a lab that contained a freezer of brains and a deli slicer) because it made it clear to me that my talents were better suited towards creative arts like writing rather than hard sciences. Rejection from that teacher helped me grow as a person.

We’re failing our kids by not letting them learn from their failures. We’re creating a generation of monsters who can’t handle that things don’t always go their way. We’re creating a narcissistic generation epitomized by the quote in the song #SELFIE by the Chainsmokers: “I only got 10 likes in the last 5 minutes. Do you think I should take it down?” (referring to an Instagrammed Selfie). We have a generation so obsessed with everyone “liking” everything they do on every social media platform and in real life that people just can’t handle that sometimes it’s okay not to be liked, not to be #winning, and it’s okay for someone to say NO.

 

I’ll wrap up with this: Guys, if you ask a girl out, or to the prom, or on a date, or whatever, and she says no? Accept it. Move on. That’s one girl who doesn’t like you in a world of girls who will like you IF you focus on your personality and don’t think you can use looks or money to buy romance. Actually, for the right price in today’s society, you probably could buy romance, so scratch that. You’ll find someone, but not finding someone right now isn’t an excuse to hurt anyone. Girls, same thing. If you ask a guy out, or ask him to do something with you, or get dumped or rejected, or anything else… move on. Parents, teach your kids that it’s okay to be bad at some things, and recognize instead the things they’re good at. Not every kid will be valedictorian, get into Julliard, or be America’s Next Top Model. That’s okay, because these kids CAN grow up to do really great things if they’re raised to know that it’s better to focus on what they can do and take rejection as an opportunity for growth.

Work on yourself, guys and girls. Focus on being the best person you can possibly be, and eventually, the right person for you will come along. See rejection as a chance to improve, an opportunity to make changes in your life for the better. But whatever you do, do NOT look at rejection as an opportunity to hurt someone else. It’s not worth it.

Get Connected with DigitalEraMom

It wasn’t too long ago that I found some of my best friends from elementary school on facebook. After chatting, it turned out that we had more in common than I ever could have imagined, even after not talking in years due to distance and other factors. It was amazing to know that, no matter how great the distance, we still had a lot in common.

Living in the age of Social Media presents it’s challenges… it seems that one stupid status update, one horrible autocorrect on your phone, one tagged photo, can cause lasting consequences. However, I wouldn’t trade the fact that I live in this Digital Era for the world. Information and connections are at our fingertips now more than ever.

If you go to the pantry and realize you forgot to think of something for dinner, you can now google the ingredients you have on hand and find a new recipe to try right away.

When revolutions happened in the Ukraine and Venezuela, up-to-the-minute news was available, is available, concerning each event.

When your cousin went out to eat at Chipotle and had the best burrito of her life, it was right there in your news feed.

Now, more than ever, we can connect with others, personally, professionally, and even in a kind of stalkery “I’m looking at your Facebook but don’t want you to know” kind of way.

We also love to share information with our friends and pass it along to others.

I wanted to make sure that I was able to remind you all the easiest ways to stay up to date with DigitalEraMom, and social media is a huge part of that. In order to make sure you’re always seeing the latest and greatest posts, you’ll want to follow me in a few different ways.

The easiest way to make sure you’re checking out DigitalEraMom’s newest content is to subscribe by email. You’ll be notified of each new post by email and you’ll never miss a minute. Posts you love can be easily forwarded to friends and family members. To subscribe by email, look in the sidebar right over there ———->

If email isn’t really your thing because you’re flooded with Zulily, Groupon, LivingSocial, Amazon, and a million other newsletters, that’s totally okay. It’s also easy to follow DigitalEraMom on Facebook and Twitter, also in the sidebar. (@jengerbread88 and @digitaleramom on twitter)

Finally, you can see the newest from me on Pinterest and on Instagram, for great photo inspiration, quick tips, and more!

When you follow DigitalEraMom, you’re able to see the new content and share it with your friends more easily than ever. It’s as easy as repinning a craft idea for later, or sharing the post on your Facebook timeline for future reference.

I really hope you’ll connect with me, because there is so much exciting content coming your way. You won’t want to miss a post!

My Heart for Homeschooling: Part 2

I’ve previously talked about my heart for homeschooling in part 1 of this post. I feel like there are so many reasons that it is important for me to homeschool my son, and why a lot of other people homeschool, and it’s why I’ve felt compelled to share my reasoning here. After all, if I have a voice, I may as well work to be heard, especially when there are a lot of misconceptions out there about homeschooling.

Homeschool students have a great opportunity for building social skills. One huge misconception is that homeschooled kids don’t have social skills. Sure, there are plenty of examples out there of homeschooled students who have zero skills. But there are far greater numbers of students who have amazing social skills built in homeschooling. My brother, for example, is in competition soccer and takes improv theatre lessons. He’s built a friend group and has social skills, allowing him to be very social and have those great communication skills that are essential. There are many options for homeschooled students to get involved, whether it’s a local group of homeschoolers or an extracurricular activity to join in. Homeschooling isn’t like it used to be; with a growing number of people homeschooling their children, there is a greater number of homeschooled students to connect with, allowing huge networks of students to build, grow, and enjoy each other’s time.

Homeschool students have a lot of extracurricular options. As I mentioned above, my brother, a homeschool student, is able to take improv theatre, play competition soccer, play Minecraft on a server that is specifically for local homeschooled students, and more. Students can take art classes, music classes (both solo and in group settings, similar to a band class), drama, participate in community theatre, play sports both competitively and non-competitively, and more. There are so many options for homeschooled students to learn skills and participate with each other.

Some studies have shown that homeschooled students have better self-esteem. Not only are many homeschoolers removed from the trauma and pressure of bullying (after all, closer-knit class groups for extracurriculars and their school day being spent largely around family versus around peers allows for more close monitoring to stop bullying in it’s tracks, as well as less opportunities to allow it to begin in the first place), but they’re also spending their days in an environment that tends to foster a feeling of safety. When kids feel safe at home, and safe with their parents, they’re able to build that self-esteem in a safe environment. Not to say there aren’t horror stories out there– there are in every situation–but the majority of students who are homeschooled are able to build higher self-esteem. Not only is bullying cut, and a safe environment available, but homeschoolers also tend to learn at their own pace (and challenge themselves). By having a better grasp on their skills and by being able to get personal attention when they’re struggling, rather than being put in a remedial class or being held behind, they’re able to acquire skills without feeling like they’re a failure or having the emotional strain of not being “good enough.” Unfortunately, students who aren’t grasping material well are pushed farther behind their peers, and students who are grasping material too quickly are often slowed down, resulting in a cycle of falling farther and farther behind, culminating in peers, and sometimes even teachers, shaming them. In homeschooling, this isn’t the case. All-around, it’s easy to see why students who are homeschooled tend to have better self-esteem in a loving environment.

Homeschooling is widely accepted. Over 4% of children in America are homeschooled, and it’s growing in numbers every year. That doesn’t sound like a lot, but if you took all of the students in the 10 smaller states in America, you’d get the SAME number of students as are homeschooled currently. It’s a pretty big number, actually. Some universities have specific policies in place for accepting homeschooled students, even if those students didn’t earn an accredited high school degree (since homeschools are essentially unaccredited schools in many states). I went to college with many homeschooled students, and all of them were at or above my level as a student entering from public school.

Students have less access to drugs and alcohol in homeschool, and are less likely to over-indulge later. Studies have shown that students who consume alcohol before the age of 21 and are around it in a peer setting (a party, in a limo on the way to prom, at a friend’s home, even their own home) are more likely to abuse the substance later. Because families that homeschool tend to spend more time together, there’s less opportunity for a student to indulge, say, after school at a friend’s house. Homeschool families don’t really have latch-key kids, so the kids spend fewer hours home alone, with fewer opportunities to get into the wine cabinet. Don’t think private school kids are immune to this trouble, either… it actually turns out that statistically, because families who send their kids to private school tend to have access to more funds, kids are actually MORE likely to use and/or abuse substances than they would in public school… and, other studies have shown that if they are caught, they’re less likely to face serious consequences. By homeschooling, you can remove your child from an equation like that entirely, or at least severely reduce their chance of dealing with it. You can do so even more if you’re a home like mine, where alcohol isn’t even around.

There’s less violence in a homeschool situation. There’s been a lot of talk about bullying, cyberbullying, school shootings, fights, and suicide. While again, there are horror stories out there, homeschool environments are largely safer. There is a lot less risk of cyberbullying when kids are homeschooled, and parents who are involved with their children’s studies (whether they’re homeschooled or public schooled) are more likely to pick up on bullying and help stop violence in it’s tracks. Homeschooling, by nature, requires the involvement of parents, and it’s proven that kids who are homeschooled are less likely to be involved in (as a victim or a perpetrator) violence, whether emotional or physical.

 

I’ve got a lot more reasons for wanting to homeschool, and again, this is just a glimpse. Check out part one, and keep an eye out for part 3, coming soon.

My Heart for Homeschooling: Part 1

I’ve shared on here about homeschooling a few times, and talked about why it’s been important to me. But I will say, it’s one of those topics that I get a lot of questions about. People ask me “Isn’t it time consuming?” Yeah, it is. “Don’t you ever want a break from your kid?” I know I might be weird, but no, I really don’t. There are those times where I’m really craving a hot shower without hearing “Mommy!!!” but for the most part, I love being with my kiddo all the time. “Aren’t you afraid he won’t be a social kid?” Yeah, to some degree. But there are ways around that.

So now, I’ve decided to put all of it on the table and spell out why homeschooling is important to me. If you’re considering homeschooling, this may help make things clearer for you. If you’re not considering it, but you’re curious about it, this will answer some questions, I’m sure. If you’re not into homeschooling, then this might be eye-opening and show you a little bit of my reasoning for doing it.

But first, what is homeschooling? Basically, it is teaching children in your own home. Long before there were schools in buildings kids would go to, there were home schools, where parents taught their children essential skills like money management, clothing repair, cooking, and trades, as well as tasks like how to read (typically to read the Bible or other religious texts).

Schools have a habit of dumbing things down for kids.

Yes, this may be my opinion, but I have to share that kids who are homeschooled tend to be grade levels ahead of children who are public or private schooled, and have higher logic and reasoning skills. Additionally, schools tend to teach towards the test. Do some homeschools teach towards the tests? Absolutely. But I think you’ll find, through digging, that homeschool largely teaches towards practicality. I was public schooled, and so was my brother (much more recently). I cannot tell you the number of hours spent solely preparing to get good scores on standardized tests, to the point that kids learn materials that are beyond their comprehension level, recite them on the test (basic parroting) and then forget them just as quickly as they learned them, only to repeat the cycle again and again. How many times did I start the school year in American History at the beginning of time, only to wind up in the industrial revolution every time? With homeschooling, since it is more individualized, it’s very easy to study and then pick up where you left off, meaning you move from ancient history to modern day and study history in a chronological order, rather than studying parts of history being tested on and moving on.

Schools tend to pigeonhole kids and go with the idea that all kids go through post-secondary education.

Not every student is going to go on to college, be a doctor, or use advanced calculus. Some students are learning those skills that they aren’t likely to use, to the point that they’re not taught skills they need. How many times have you been in line at the checkout somewhere and handed someone cash for your purchase, only to discover that, without a machine telling them, they can’t count change back to you, or even know how much change you’re owed? I’m not saying it’s that way in every case, but you can’t deny it’s probably happened to you. Further, how many of those teens do you think have taken algebra, geometry, trig, but have no idea how to budget or count money? I’d reckon that most of them fall into that category. They’re being prepared for an education they may or may not move on to, but not being taught how to manage their lives.

My boyfriend and I were chatting not too long ago about budget, and about how it was important to him to find out all of the costs, including utilities, and the costs of what furniture he needed, before settling on what apartment to live in. He wanted to make sure that, between rent, bills, and other life expenses (like groceries) that he was choosing an apartment that was affordable, considering his income. He wanted to be sure that he wasn’t choosing an unreasonable apartment, or that he wasn’t skimping where he could afford something more comfortable, so he compared prices.

At the store, it’s something I do regularly… sometimes, with coupons, a name brand is cheaper than an off-brand. Sometimes a big package looks like a great deal, until you end up pricing it out per unit, and find out it’s actually not a better deal at all!

Unfortunately, because school goes with a college-focus, some kids get lost in the cracks. By pushing kids into advanced math and science, some kids are falling behind, despite the fact that they’ll not be using that math in the future. Am I calling for schools to do away with advanced math and science? Absolutely not. It is GREAT… for the kids who will use that in future professions. For others, it’s taking focus away from other things they could be studying that will benefit their future.

There is a local high school here, and yes, a public school (I’ve never said public school is bad, just simply stated that homeschooling is right for my family), that allows students to select a “track.” For example, if you pick the track that you’d like to learn to work in a restaurant, you’ll take classes that relate directly to that and learn everything from front-end (waiting tables, etc) to budgeting and inventory, all the way to the back of the restaurant. Students go on to work in careers in food service, and often become management at these places based on their time at this high school, teaching them hands-on skills that they need for a trade that interests them. Unfortunately, that school is the exception, not the norm.

Because of one-on-one (or one-on-handful, depending on your family size), as opposed to one-on-twenty learning, kids can pick up skills faster. By no fault of their own, teachers are at a disadvantage. Teachers have to teach large amounts of children- sometimes in excess of 20 in a classroom, and when they do, it means that they’re having their attention drawn a minimum of 20 different ways. Teachers not only have to deal with an abundance of learners at different levels, but also with outside forces. When my brother was in school, in a very safe, small-town neighborhood, one student in his classroom was arrested, multiple times, IN class, as early as first grade. When that happens, the entire class stops. And even after the student is removed, the chatter continues. Do you really think significant learning is happening during this time? During homeschooling, you’re streamlining the number of students.  You have only your children, which allows for less distractions. Unless your family is up to something I can’t fathom, I highly doubt any of your students would be arrested during class in their homeschool setting. I think it’s important to also consider that by having a smaller class size, it’s easier to tailor studies to your students. Have a student who is racing ahead in reading? Great! Encourage that with more challenging books and further opportunities to read. Perhaps they’re a bit behind in math? No problem. You have the time and ability to work with them as needed to help boost their math knowledge, or you can go over the problem set as long as they have questions.

In most public school settings, a teacher has a limited amount of time to get a lot of information in. That means they can answer a handful of questions about a task, and then they must move on to the next task. It doesn’t allow children to ask questions until they understand, but rather, allows them to ask just until time is up before being forced to move on.

With a homeschooling setting, you’re able to take the pace that you need to. Even if you have multiple children, you likely have fewer students to divide between than most teachers, and are able to tailor some time to making sure your child firmly grasps an entire concept before moving on.

Food allergies are a big concern for many families. While it isn’t a primary reason that we’ve chosen to homeschool, I know many families who homeschool, at least in part, due to special food needs by their family members. Enter a public school cafeteria and look at some of the choices available. If you have an intolerance to gluten, a peanut allergy, and a handful of other allergies, you’re going to have a very bad time. One perk of homeschooling (but certainly not a primary reason for my family personally) is that anything I’m interested in feeding my son, I can. It means that I can create a well-balanced menu catered to his particular tastes and dietary needs. I can imagine that families who have very specific needs when it comes to diet find this even more appealing.

Homeschoolers have a tendency to finish school early. Once finished with high school, students often have the option of going to many schools around the nation, or even getting an online college degree. In some cases, homeschool students can earn a two- or four-year degree before their public or private schooled counterparts, allowing them a chance to get ahead in a job market and earn experience in the “real world” while their peers are still in college. While obviously this won’t happen in all cases, I’ve seen many examples of this happening personally, including friends I interacted with in college. Mind you, in public school, I was able to graduate a full year early, which meant that I was one of the youngest people in my university. However, I clearly wasn’t the youngest; everyone younger than me was homeschooled. It just opens a lot of doors that might not otherwise get opened.

You’re able to set your own goals for homeschooling. Homeschooling can be tailored to your child’s interests. My brother is a very hands-on learner, so rather than reading about electricity, he’s able to experience it firsthand by assembling his own circuits. To learn fractions, he can use cooking or other hands-on examples. His goals, along with my mother’s goals for him, allow him to achieve great results. I can set specific goals for my son, like mastery of alphabet and numbers, and then when we achieve those goals, we can plan new goals and build upon what we’ve learned. Because we’re able to do individualized education and paying attention to personalized needs moreso than in a public school setting, you’re able to meet goals more quickly.

 

I hope this shows you a little bit of my heart for homeschooling. I have a lot more reasons to discuss, so this will be the first in a multi-part series. Please stay tuned for the next part, and definitely feel free to share it with your friends who may be considering homeschooling!

A Little “Me Time” with Montagne Jeunesse Clay Spas

As a mom of a toddler, I don’t get a ton of “me time.” If I’m not cleaning up a spill, I’m changing a Pull-Up, drowning out a drum solo, re-trimming the Christmas tree, and getting stains out of tee shirts. Any mom of any toddler will pretty much understand what I’m saying. And it isn’t a complaint, either. It’s a way of life! I’m happy to be a mom.

However, with “me time” being hard to come by, I have to improvise. That’s why I was excited to get a Montagne Jeunesse Dead Sea Mud Spa face mask in a recent VoxBox from Influenster. I’d never heard of the brand before, though I’d certainly heard in countless magazines about the benefits of products from the Dead Sea. I assumed the mask might be a fun way to spend an evening after Zach went to bed. I gathered everything I needed for some good pampering, including my Dead Sea Mud Spa mask.

I assumed that I’d open the package, and squeeze out liquid mask onto my hand, slather it on my face and look like some sort of swamp creature for 20 minutes, and rinse. What I didn’t expect was a mask that was… well, already in mask form. I’m not kidding– the mask was literally a piece of fabric infused with the mask. It seemed simple– no spreading needed. I simply placed the fabric onto my face, looked like I was going to become a Luchador (Mexican wrestler, for those who don’t watch Mexican wrestling and/or haven’t seen Jack Black in too-tight clothes in Nacho Libre), and then washed my face after about 20 minutes.

Now, I expected it just to be a nice little spa night, and hey, my face probably had some grime on it from Play-Doh smushing, slobbery kisses, rubber stamps, dirt, and general “mommy grime.” What I didn’t expect was for it to become as smooth as a baby booty in 20 minutes. This stuff, the Montagne Jeunesse Dead Sea Mud Spa face mask, was a miracle mask. No, it didn’t take sleepless nights off of my face or eliminate wrinkles and make me look like a slightly less Botoxed version of Joan Rivers… but what it did do was smooth my skin, make it touchable, kissable, irresistibly soft, and gave me a little self-confidence boost, which was exactly what I needed right before my 25th birthday. I felt like, post-mask, I could have at least passed for 23 1/2 now that my eye-bags were gone.

But really, what the mask gave me most was 20 minutes where I wasn’t wiping noses, chasing down one of the forty thousand rubber ducks we insist on sharing every bathtime with, and trying, just trying, to keep up with laundry for one more day. For 20 minutes it was just relaxation and me time.

I can’t make the escape to the spa for a day. That’s way more time commitment than I have. I can’t even promise an hour (because, heck, unless I provide 10 times the distractions I think I’ll need to, I can’t even pee alone). But I CAN find 20 minutes after my toddler goes to bed, and has his sleepy angel face on, to make my face feel just a bit more angelic, too. A little me time is definitely worth it.

Want to learn more about Montagne Jeunesse? Check out their facebook page, twitter, and Pinterest, and don’t forget to visit their website. You can also track them down in stores like Walmart, K-Mart, and Ulta Beauty, among other retailers.

Want more fun Spa Day ideas? Check out my At Home Spa Day board on Pinterest!

 

Disclaimer: I received a Montagne Jeunesse Clay Spas mask complimentary from Influenster. All opinions above, however, are my own honest opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Influenster or Montagne Jeunesse Clay Spas. I have not been otherwise paid or compensated for my opinion, and I also have only posted my own honest thoughts and opinions about the product.

The Elf On the Shelf Isn’t Landing Here

I know I’m going to get a lot of heat for this. In fact, I know I will because when I brought up the same topic on facebook last year around this time, I definitely had a few people who hated what I had to say.

But I’m going to say it.

I can’t stand Elf on the Shelf.

Now, I have a lot of reasons that I won’t play into the “magic” and “joyfulness” that that creepy little Elf supposedly brings, and yes, I’m sure that my reasons aren’t that different from a lot of other people who choose not to participate.

But seriously. Look at it. That thing is creep-a-licious. It’s just freaky looking. If I were a kid, I’d be terrified. And I’m not terrified of inanimate objects. If my dad and brother can’t even walk into the basement without freaking out over how creepy a porcelain doll I keep in storage is, then I definitely shouldn’t trust an Elf on the loose around the house. He’d probably get hurt, what with his creepy little grin. He gives me the heebiejeebies!

And then there’s the fact that basically the whole point of Mr. Elf on Pinterest seems to be for him to barge into your house, leave a mess (which you have to be creative enough to create so you’re doing the same sorts of things as every other Elf that your child’s preschool friends are doing, but also NEW and DIFFERENT things so you can brag to the carpool moms), and then just… walk away from the mess while you clean it up. I’m sorry, but I don’t have time to go around wiping up spilled maple syrup, a “flour war,” or an explosion of Legos. Half the time, I’m lucky to get the dishes done. Why add more work to my day?

I know there are some of you out there who will tell me that having an Elf doesn’t have to be messy. You can do “clean” activities like leaving the Elf with some crayons and a coloring book. Sure, I can. Or I could also set out crayons and a coloring book for my son, no Elf needed.

Really, do you WANT your Elf being the “role model” and person reporting back to Santa when they’re tying up Barbies on the railroad tracks (nope, not just for “Naughty Elf” posts, but for some real life the-kid-is-seeing-this moments), making a mess of the kitchen for a marshmallow fight since they’re out of snowballs, or whatever else? That doesn’t show me that being good is ranked that highly. It says to me that it’s fair game to throw stuff everywhere and then get a job in the reporting to Santa game. Total parent nightmare right there– a revolution based on an Elf!

I don’t like how the Elf is just adding to the commercialization of Christmas. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas. I love the decorations and the lights and the gifts, and all that. But seriously, now I have to buy the Elf. And his book. And his movie. And now the trend is an Elf Girlfriend because one Elf is just getting a little stale, and how else are you going to spice it up? And then the Elfs bring gifts like Lego Advent calendars and Christmas Crunch cereal (because Halloween-Specific seasonal cereal was ROCKIN’ in sales this year). How many things do I have to buy for the Elf to do this season? And don’t get me wrong, I spend money on activities and stuff, including red-and-green cake mixes and snickerdoodle milk, throughout the holiday season… but… why have the Elf be the mastermind while I’m going around cleaning up his junk? It seems like so much added work to me than knocking out the middleman.

I feel like the Elf is just another way for suburban moms to compete. Having the best minivan and tracksuit combo wasn’t enough anymore, so we needed to add an Elf (don’t forget the Elf Girlfriend!) While I’m sure that it has a LOT of treasured memories behind it, and I’m sure it is a very important part of people’s holiday traditions, it just isn’t a part of ours.

I feel like I shouldn’t have to tell Zach “You should be good because this tattletale Elf is going to go tell Santa everything you did!” First, I’d like my son not to learn to be a tattletale, and giving him an Elf who reports back to Santa, to me, seems like an endorsement. I also would love for him to learn to be good just for the sake of being good– not because he’s afraid of a warning letter from an Elf. I want him to be good because he genuinely wants to, and for us to sit down and have a dialogue about his behavior… not for some third-party Elf to pass along my sentiments. I feel like, by bringing these elaborate gifts and telling kids when they’ve been naughty, the Elf is driving a wedge between parent-child interactions during the season.

Sure, from my end, it would be cool to see the “magic” in the Elf moving, and doing something new, but from Zach’s end, the Elf is doing all this cool stuff, and mom isn’t doing anything out of the ordinary. I want the season to be about the two of us as a family, and about what we can do together.

 

I hope that none of my readers are offended by this piece enough to stop reading. I meant it to be a humorous take on why the Elf just isn’t a part of my life this season, or a part of Zach’s, and I’m sorry if anything was offensive. If the Elf is a part of your holiday tradition, good on you. That’s something I’m sure you both will treasure. It just isn’t right for MY house. And, if you’re wanting to start doing Elf on the shelf, I hope my blog doesn’t scare you off from it. Like I said, the Elf isn’t landing here, but if he lands at your house, no judgement. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to eat some of the Count Chocula I stocked up on before that whole Christmas Crunch stuff was released.

Perfectly Pumpkin Vanilla Bars

Some people mark Halloween as the end to all things pumpkin. Of course, Hobby Lobby starts discounting Christmas in, like, July, so really, our holiday schedule is thrown way out of whack.

I think that post-Halloween pumpkin is the best kind of pumpkin. There’s no reason to pass on all things pumpkin until after at least Thanksgiving! You might remember that I’m a huge fan of pumpkin. As evidenced by my Better Than Pumpkin Pie dessert that was a huge hit last Thanksgiving. Or my Pumpkin Butter recipe that has been a huge reader favorite this season. Or maybe even my Pumpkin Spice Krispie treats from last year.

No doubt about it, I love Pumpkin. So, even though we’re well into November, I still have just a few more pumpkin recipes left in me. My hope is that you’ll find something yummy to take to an upcoming Thanksgiving feast, or at the very least, enjoy while you cry over the Christmas music that started just after Halloween on some stations.

These Perfectly Pumpkin Vanilla Bars are so easy and tasty that you might want to consider making a double batch. Yum.

You’ll want to start with the Pumpkin Creme cake mix from Pillsbury. It comes with the vanilla mix that they use as a filling in the cake. I’m going to use it in a slightly different way in these bars, however.

In addition to the mix, you’ll need some milk, oil, eggs, and sprinkles, though the sprinkles are optional.

Set the vanilla filling packet aside and just pour the pumpkin cake mix into a large mixing bowl. Add in your egg, 1/4 cup of milk, and 1/4 cup of oil.

It will be an incredibly thick batter, and it will smell really, really awesome. So… try not to eat too much of it before pressing it into a greased 9×9 pan.

Just like that.

For the vanilla topping, you’ll want to mix together the filling packet, plus 2 tablespoons of oil and 2 tablespoons of water.

Spread this as evenly as you can on top of the pumpkin batter.

You’re going to bake these for 25 minutes at 350 degrees.

It’ll have a fun layered effect when it’s finished.

While the bars are still slightly warm, gently press your fall sprinkles into the top. Then, the hard part… waiting! You have to wait a full hour for these to cool. Don’t try cutting them sooner– they’ll fall apart!

Voila! Worth the hour wait… and so delicious. They’re a bit ooey-gooey and packed with fall flavor. The vanilla offsets the pumpkin perfectly for a delicious finish.

I got ten thin bars out of my 9×9 pan. You can also cut them into squares, triangles, or any other delicious desired shape you’d like.

Maybe eating something pumpkin will help counteract the Christmas special you’re watching on TV before Thanksgiving has even come and gone.

Are you a die-hard holiday separationist, waiting for one to end before the next begins, or do you blend your holidays in the last half of the year? When do you feel pumpkin is “out”? Sound off in the comments section below!

Family Fun Night: Please, Sir, Can I Have S’more?

When forming our bucket list for fall this year, there was one thing that absolutely HAD to be on it! With my sister, Carolin, visiting from Germany, we really worked hard to find out what we really needed to get done while she was here.

We made sure to include things like going to Silver Dollar City when it’s dressed up for fall, heading to a Pumpkin Patch and Corn Maze this year, and other awesome stuff. But one family-friendly activity was done right here at home, and it had to be one of the best things we could have done this fall.

We went old-school with our s’mores, which meant instead of fancy marshmallow roasters, we took knives and sharpened some good ol’ fashioned sticks.

It’s definitely a task for adults, not children!

In the meantime, Jeffrey started the fire…

It took SO long to get it to start up, with a little bit of wind, but he is a fire-pit PRO!

While I love getting creative with plenty of stuff when it comes to s’mores, like flavored marshmallows, the addition of Nutella, Peanut Butter, or flavored chocolates, but for this particular night, we went all natural, baby! We stuck to staples like Honey Maid grahams and Hershey Chocolate.

By the time the food was set out and the sticks were sharpened, the fire was blazing!

Yum.

My proper s’more technique? To slowly roast the marshmallow until it gets gooey, but then you catch it on fire and let it smoulder. Then, it’s time to blow it out and sandwich the scalding marshmallow between two layers of chocolate and grahams. It gets the chocolate all melty!

Even Zach got in on the s’more fun– the eating, NOT the fire part!

 

All in all, an evening spent with family, fire, and delicious food, was perfect for a night at home. After running here and there to accomplish our fall bucket list, it was great having a thing to cross off where we didn’t have to go anywhere!

 

What’s on your fall bucket list? Do you plan to go-go-go all season, or did you plan at home activities?

The Final Countdown (BlogHer 13)

We’re a week away from BlogHer 13, and I’m thinking it’s just about time to share with you a little more detail about what’s going on with my trip! Why? Because I’m going to BlogHer for YOU. That’s right, I’m going because my readers are my passion, and I want to make sure I’m doing what I can to bring you the absolute best content.

During my time in Chicago, I’ll be spending time at two really important invite-only events: Hasbro and Maytag/Whirlpool. I’ll also be stopping by booths around the expo hall.

My goal has always been to bring you the latest and greatest in parenting, educating, cooking, decorating, and entertaining, and to show you how to seamlessly integrate technology to make your life easier. I’m hoping that, as I walk around the Expo hall, attend private parties, and sit in on classes, I’ll be able to bring more of that to you and help improve the connection between my readers (that’s you guys) and myself.

That means a jam-packed weekend, so I probably will not be blogging while I’m at BlogHer.

So what can you expect when I return?

Information, about what brands are doing to help us seamlessly blend our family lives with the modern tech world.
Anecdotes about how AWESOME BlogHer was and how I can’t wait to go again next year (I hope! I’ve never been!)
And, long-term results in better connecting with you both here and on social media to help me give you more content you’ll love.

I cannot wait to see you all when I return!

BlogHer ’13 or Bust!

So BlogHer ’13 is just about a month away, and if you’re not familiar with it, it’s one of the biggest conferences in the blogging industry. It means in just one month, I’m going to be hanging out with other bloggers, other brands, and learning more about how to bring YOU the best possible content.

In other words, I’m on my way to learn more about how to provide more for you.

More recipes.
More experiments.
More giveaways.
More photographs.
More ways to be a Digital Era Mom.
And maybe more more MORE new things I’ve never done before on the blog!

I really hope you’ll join me on my journey to BlogHer ’13, whether you’re a blogger or a reader. That means you can check out my social media and follow me on twitter (@digitaleramom) and on Instagram (@digitaleramom) and see updates from me while I’m there, and on the way. Want a more personal look at my life (or rather, want to see a million and one pictures of Zach doing something cute?) Check out my personal instagram– @jengerbread88!

If you’re a blogger, let me know if you’re going to BlogHer ’13! I’d love to see you there!