Birth Control

The other day, a facebook friend of mine posted that she’s having her third child in about as many years. I’d say this is an anomaly amongst my facebook friends, but it’s not.

I’m starting to wonder if there’s a reason they’re diving right back into having kids. Because I sit here looking at my two year old, and, despite loving him more than anything else in the entire world, when I see people having a second child so soon after their first, I have to believe that they’re out of their entire stinkin’ mind.

Let me give you a little background about why I feel that way.

About a week ago, my son comes to me and brings me a slinky. “Cool slinky, Zach!” He replies “Mom!” and pats his thingie. “Um, Zach, the slinky doesn’t go there.” He repeats his request again and again. I calmly remind him, “No, we do not put slinkies on our thingy.” He says “Okay!” and I hand him the slinky, thinking he understands. The next thing I know, he’s torn his diaper off, stuck his thingie through the opening of the slinky, and started peeing ALL over the floor.

Oh. My. Gosh.

I’m torn between crying and dying laughing. I grab the slinky and toss it in the sink to be sanitized thoroughly. I go to grab a towel, and then I hear it. “Splash. Splash.” Oh no. Oh no no no no. I run back in and Zach is JUMPING in the pee puddle. Like it’s a rain puddle or something!” I remove him from the situation, wash his feet, and re-diaper him, then I run over and begin cleaning up the puddle as quickly as I can to prevent another Singin In the Rain style incident from him. As I just finish cleaning up the puddle, I see a streak out of the corner of my eye… I turn to look, and there is a bare butt running across the room.

You’ve GOT to be kidding me.

I would say that incidents like this were few and far between, but that would be a lie. The other day, we visited my boyfriend’s apartment for New Years Eve, and Zach was using some chopsticks as drumsticks, like he routinely does, because everything stick-like is a drumstick, obviously. As we went to clean up for the night, one of the chopsticks was missing. Oh well… it must have slipped under a couch or between cushions.

Then, overnight, suddenly things got cold. Like really cold. Because freezing temps outside suddenly crept in when the heater stopped working. Why did it stop working, you ask? Because a chopstick was jamming the fan.

Yup. That’s my boy.

I’m not telling you these stories because I think having kids is crazy. On the contrary, actually. Zach has provided me with so many amazing experiences, so many hilarious stories, and so many cuddles, smiles, and countless laughs. He’s exactly the reason I WILL have more kids someday.

…he’s also the reason that having more kids anytime before he’s at least four and out of this phase is NOT something I want to happen.

I never understood my mom when she’d say “Kids make the best birth control.” I also didn’t understand why she waited 12 years to have my brother after me, and still don’t, because I was a perfect angel of a child.

But I get it now, the kids are the best birth control. Because after an exhausting day of slinky pee, jammed air conditioners, and entire boxes of Goldfish poured out on the floor, I wouldn’t trade my life for anything, but I also couldn’t imagine adding a second child to the list. All I want is to go to bed, pull the covers over my head, and pray for more than 3 hours of sleep so I can wake up and do it all over again the next day.

My son is the best possible blessing that God has ever granted me. He is sweet, adorable, and has the cutest face, especially when it is covered in eggs and bits of chocolate. He has so much compassion, love, and empathy. The other day, I was worn out from a workout and sat on the bed panting and sore. Zach came over to me and said “Mom! Are you okay?” He patted my back, rubbed my arm, and gave me a hug.

I love having a child. I love his energy, spirit, and the way he responds to everyone in love.


And, because of him, I’d like to wait awhile for another, thankyouverymuch. To my Facebook friends who are having another… and another… back-to-back, either your little ones are still in their “cute, silent, baby phase” when you decide to have more, or you are a stronger woman than I am. Because I have no idea how you’re managing without losing your mind.

Mom’s right. Kids DO make the best birth control.


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