Today, I decided to start my first project for my 2012 one little word. When you pick a word like “growth,” there are a lot of very easy, very obvious things you can do, and perhaps this first project was the most obvious, but maybe it was also the most important.
First, let me take you back to a scene in college. I lived in a dorm room. Target had these adorable little pots with seeds and dirt in the $1.00 section, and I decided to buy one for my dorm. I planted it, and as the first seeds started to sprout, I decided to plant a few more. 1 plant became 12. I nurtured them, I watered them, I transplanted them into larger pots. I bought more each season. I loved those plants. They were like pets.
Not long after that, I began taking trips to see my boyfriend, who later became my fiance, my husband, and finally, my ex-husband. But first, he was a boyfriend. I took weekend trips to visit his military base, and when I did that, my plants suffered. No one was there to tend them, which would have been fine for one weekend, but one weekend became three became every weekend. One after another, my plants began to die.
A little part of me was dying, too. I wouldn’t admit it. I’m not convinced I realized it myself. I just stopped tending the plants, and in many ways, I stopped tending myself.
In the years since that time, I have started tending to plants, only for them to die a few weeks later.
But now, I’m tending myself. I wake up and try to brush my hair and put on makeup. I don’t do it for a guy. I do it because I mean something, because I’m worth something, and because I deserve that second look.
And I think I’m able to tend a plant, too.
Today, I started my quest towards growth. Symbolically, I settled on one of those little potted plants from Target… a Forget Me Not. I chose the forget me not because I need that reminder. I need to stop forgetting me, in order to chase after a dream, some guy, some fairytale ending. I need to remember myself, remember that I’m my own fairy tale ending, that the princess’s prince doesn’t have to be a boyfriend or spouse.
As I planted my forget-me-not seeds in the pot, I made wishes. I wished for change. I wished for peace, and courage, and foresight. I wished for so many things, but mostly, I closed my eyes, and wished for growth.